Personalized Support for Grief, Trauma, and Life Transitions in Ship Bottom, NJ
What Grief Counseling Looks Like, To Me.
Let me spare you the platitudes that grief moves through five neat stages, or that time heals all wounds because the truth is, grief isn’t a problem to be solved. It’s a relationship that continues with the person you’ve lost or the situation that no longer is a part of you. It is how that may have altered your future you, the visions or goals you may have had as a partner, parent, employee, or just that healthy concept of you. Grief is about figuring out who you are becoming and how to navigate all the messiness that comes with the process. From the anger, to despair, and the physical responses our body tells us, we will figure out the “what the hell do I do now” as you try to go about this unexpected new world.
My work is to walk alongside you as that relationship finds its shape and you find your rhythm in your new world. I won’t tell you to look on the bright side of anything. You may say that your world sucks right now, but I will assure you that there is a roadmap to get through.
I understand and appreciate that every person that arrives in my space comes with unique experiences, whether it’s the heavy weight of grief, the lasting impact of trauma, or the struggle of navigating unexpected life changes. Through compassionate listening and evidence-based practices, I’ll help you uncover the root of your pain, gently release what no longer serves you, and build the tools you need for resilience.
Each session is designed to bring clarity, restore balance, and move you toward a life where peace, strength, and hope will feel possible again.
A place to put it down and unpack.
Most people arrive at my practice having already been told, in one way or another, to move on. Some also feel stuck, broken, or question if they even have a purpose anymore. My approach aligns with the idea of how to move forward with your experience, not move on from it.
Each session can vary where we may talk through the entire session and for some, it may appear more quiet. There are times where some may exhibit physical sensations, as we work through what the body has been holding. I come with no agenda, except to hold a space where you can openly process your grief and feel witnessed in the process. What stays constant is that I’m fully present with you in it, not steering you away from it.
Whether it is a session, where you feel you’ve come to terms with the issue and maybe grateful as you reminisce, or just having trouble finding the right words while on the verge of falling into a million pieces, I will meet you where you are.
The moment she become widowed and the world continues on, but hers came to a screeching halt.
That was me in October 2019.
Everything familiar from the routines, the rituals, the rhythm of daily life suddenly became foreign. I was expected to make immediate decisions, answer questions, and function while my nervous system operated in survival mode. And somewhere beneath all the shock, I'm quietly wondering: How do I even begin to carry all of this?
Alex's death and the perpetual rounds of paperwork from bank notifications, setting up new health insurance, appointments to the social security office, and creating a living will now as a solo parent prompted a whirlwind of heavy processes. There was no time to rest for this widow. I recall even hours after his passing that there was an inquiry of organ donation and I had to make a decision right then and there. I wasn't prepared any of it. I was still in a state of disbelief from hearing of my husband's sudden passing just hours earlier.
Looking back now on 6.5 years later, there were things I wish I knew in early on grief and so I share this as a fellow widow and a counselor who has specialized in grief since losing her childhood sweetheart, husband, best friend, father of her children, and simply a good man gone too soon.
First and foremost, my words of guidance for the early on widow start with this: You don't need to have it together. You don't need a plan. You just need permission to be exactly where you are.
More than likely, the loss of our dear spouses will vary from one another. Some widows will go through anticipatory loss while others will experience sudden news and an unexpected death.
If there is something I've come to realize about loss and talking with many widows in counseling and group sessions, our reactions to grief can be quite similar. Feeling overwhelmed, racing thoughts, dwelling on the death, feeling guilty for many reasons, restlessness, exhausted, irritable, crying jags, difficulty focusing, forgetfulness, loss of motivation, and the list goes on.
Here are 5 absolute things that I would recommend for the widow in early grief:
1. Accept Help Without Apology
Asking for help was never a strong suit of mine. I felt a sense of pride to take on the tasks and if offered, I would simply reply, "I'm okay." Listen, in grief, you are not okay. Your world most likely stopped spinning at the news of your spouse's death. People may come offering their support and if/when they do, please take it!
When someone offers to pick up groceries, watch your kids, or sit with you in silence say yes. Trust me, your brain and body are offline right now. You're running on fumes, and that's not weakness. That's grief doing what grief does.
Consider help in any way possible at this time.
Help can look like the following:
Fill out thank-you cards
Relay messages to others (appoint a family or friend as your spokesperson)
They can run errands
Get the cans to and from the curb
Mow the lawn
I would be remiss not mentioning help can absolutely look like someone
simply being present without needing you to perform.
Why it matters: Accepting help isn't burdening others. People are compassionate and want to help and it's giving them a way to love you when words fail. Plus, it protects your already depleted energy for the harder work ahead.
2. Find One Steady Source of Support
You need more than casseroles. You need consistent, grief-literate support. Early widowhood can feel isolating, especially when friends don't know what to say or slowly disappear. That's why connecting with others who get it is critical.
Consider joining a widow support group (online or in-person) Also consider
working with a grief counselor or coach who specializes in loss. Finding a spiritual guide or holistic practitioner who honors your process can be so impactful too.
Why it matters: Grief isn't something you "solve." But having a space where you're not the only one carrying this weight changes everything. Aligning with supports affirms you're not alone and that you never were.
3. Understand What Grief Actually Is (and Isn't)
I want to clear something up: Grief is not a problem to fix. It's not linear. It doesn't follow a timeline. And it sure as hell doesn't fit into those five neat stages we hear about. Grief is a whole-body response to the rupture of your familiar world. Oh yeah it's emotional, but it's also physical, cognitive, and spiritual. (This widow was angry at God for quite a while.)
As previously mentioned, you'll feel exhausted even after sleeping. You'll feel foggy or forgetful even mid-sentence. Numb one moment, flooded the next, and feel disconnected from yourself. Please know that this is normal. Your nervous system is trying to catch up to a reality it never prepared for.
What grief isn't: It isn't something you "get over" by a certain date. It is not like getting over a cold or flu (take something and you'll feel better!) It is not a sign by any means that you're weak or broken. Grief is simply an emotion that requires constant processing, and truth is, I am still working at it over 6 years later.
Why it matters: When you stop treating grief like a problem, you stop fighting yourself. You can finally just breathe.
4. Set a Gentle Boundary Around His Belongings
Oh this one....people will ask about his things. It'll feel awkward. I've had people show up at my front door, knowing Alex's business and inquiring about his things because it was overheard in a local diner that he suddenly died. They'll wonder when you're "ready" to clear out closets or donate clothes. Here's the truth: There is no urgency. Read this again. There is no urgency. You don't owe anyone a timeline. Not for sorting. Not for letting go. Not for anything.
What to do instead: Designate certain areas or items as off-limits for now. Let trusted people know: "I'm not ready to talk about that yet." Give yourself permission to keep what brings comfort and release what doesn't and only on your terms. And if people play with your heartstrings because it would mean so much to them to have something of his, please take a breath and reply "I will keep you in mind when I am ready, thanks."
Why it matters: Holding onto his shirt or keeping his coffee mug isn't denial. It's honoring what was. And when you're ready to shift things, you'll know. Until then, protect that space.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Just Be
This might be the hardest one. You don't need to make sense of this. You don't need to be productive. You don't need to "get back to normal." Truth is, normal will not exist in the same way it once did.
What you need is rest.
Early grief scrambles everything—sleep, appetite, focus, memory. Your body is trying to regulate after profound shock. So if "just being" means:Closing your eyes for 10 minutes instead of sleeping through the nightSipping tea instead of eating a full mealBreathing slowly instead of journaling
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